awoke with that bad feeling of despair. this isn't a diary, so i won't mention the tears. sorry pillow. i'm sure most of it is that feeling that everything is winding up and i still haven't written a master's statement or found wedding shoes. the end so near and no evidence except for a frantic heart. and a girl under my care who i don't know how to snap into upstanding citizenship. someday, someday. this is becoming my obfuscated journal. someone needs a diary for her birthday instead of this.

okay, i printed and cut and folded these drawings of mine that are folded up to only be my name and then unfold to be a long, thin drawing. a business card, sort of, except somehow one dollar a piece. for the show on saturday. my parents are coming! today i bought a pink sweater. which perhaps i will wear. and right now i am painting my front door. awaking with despair and going to sleep with a painted front door. that can't be such a bad day. and the veil cut and the lace cut and pinned to it, and tonight i'll watch a movie as i sew the two together until sleep.