now i'm trying to think of if i should frame them or not, or encase them in plexi or something. but if i were having a show in p.s.1 i wouldn't do that, it's just this craft school and being in a museum space that makes me question white page. if it were in someone's house, it would be framed, yes, but in a contemporary non-craft gallery it wouldn't. so interesting how its framing changes depending on the space. the form of the project doesn't require a frame--in fact, i want it to blend into the wall, be the wall, and so no frame at all would be best for it.

remember: beware of beauty. it is powerful and can lure you in, but also it can kee things safe. don't stop just because it's beautiful. push past beauty. that's where the meat is. if a relationship feels quaint and pretty, it's not real. if i focus only on the proper emotions, i'll perish. push past all that to the real beauty. i'm not saying have a lot of fights, i'm just talking about a depth that sometimes pretty beauty stops before it gets to touch.

it's harder to remember that, because it's fun to just draw a beautiful drawing, and my parents are coming all the way from pennsylvania to see this show and i want them to like what i made, and they'll like the drawings of the flowers, so. this is where i falter and fail, because i always try too hard to please people. my gift and my downfall.

i drove home tonight through paradise lost. every quarter-mile was a different adventure. cars off the road everywhere. in april. why salt roads in april. april ice isn't as bad as december ice, is it? not enough cop cars in town to handle all the cars off the road. the roads so shiny, greasy-looking. usually i feel like i have too much to do left in life to die, but i wasn't sure this time. artwork almost done, manuscript pretty polished, i've found the man i want to marry. i had the kids' easter candy in the car with me, they'd still be able to eat it on easter morning even if i died. but wait! i still need to know what my birth-kids will look like! i need to see their faces! and when i do, i need to protect them until they're old enough to protect themselves! i lived.